Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
