dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
