You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
