oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
