Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
