Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
