oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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