i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
