I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
