I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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