Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
