hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
