I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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