Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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