I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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