I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
