I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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