thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
