I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
