I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
