I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
