i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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