I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
