The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
