Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
