i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
