I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
