How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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