Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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