we made out on top of his cat.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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