I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
