You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
