Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
