If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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