Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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