I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
