WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
