it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
