Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
