...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
