I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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