I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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