i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
