I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
