Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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