I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
