my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
