If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
