Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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