I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
