dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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