so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
