12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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