I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
