I can text with my tongue
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
