This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize