I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
