On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize