you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
