When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
