new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
