Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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