Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
