Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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