Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
