Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?