Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
