his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You made out with two different species that night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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