Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player