Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
