i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
