im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
