im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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