Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
