I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
