Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
