I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize